my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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