Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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