he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have post one night stand depression
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