dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize