When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
