Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
this hospital has no fireball
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
