Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
