Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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