i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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