I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
