Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
