I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
