it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want her autograph on my taint
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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