i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
