You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
