Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize