I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
