I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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