Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dick very happy bro
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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