Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
is it fun? or sober?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
