Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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