and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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