just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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