Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
