I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
