Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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