your room smells of hookers.
And success
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
