Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
