she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
