I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
