so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
