I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
