I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
