I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
