He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
