we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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