He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
