Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
