Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
