so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
