i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
