It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
