I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
