Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
