New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
