Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
