I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
