There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
