It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
