I am in a vortex of obligation.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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