he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
