Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
