I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize