I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
