He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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