There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't deserve a penis
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize