So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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