Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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