also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this boner is exhausting
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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