Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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