Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
