brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ambien. No doubt about it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
