Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
