I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
