Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
