tell your sister to shave her snatch
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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