The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
