I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
