you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize