at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
