Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
