Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A bitchslap is in order.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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