I think I died a long time ago.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
