wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
