Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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