I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
