his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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