i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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