highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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