The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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