Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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