dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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