i jhust puked up my retainher.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
