You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize